Wrestling

So, I read alot of blogs, and today I was checking out  my man, Aaron Conrad. Aaron and I met, well kind of, in 2009, while I was working for Big Finish Media promoting the film, Lord Save Us From Your Followers. Aaron and I had a phone convo about trying to bring that film to columbus, oh. I know, why would I ever want to do anything good for columbus, ohio? 🙂 . GO BLUE!!! And I could tell by his passion and intensity that this was a special dude.

So today, I was checking through some past blogs of Aaron’s and I stumbled across “Things I Wrestle With“. It is an honest look into some of his questions concerning faith and God, but one of the question stuck out more than the others and it is a question that cut me to the core.

I have always been a helper, a do-er, a person who really loves being the hands and feet of Jesus into a hurt world, lets call them “the have-nots”. But with that ease of helping those who have little, I have a deficiency in helping those who have the things they need and the knowledge that makes the journey that much sweeter. Let’s call them “the haves”. Coming from a childhood background in which I was labeled as a “have-not”, it is easy for me to find those common hurts among other people but when it comes to those “haves”, I struggle to think that they even understand pain and suffering. All of these feelings toward the “haves” are probably rooted in jealousy. Something that I am trying to conquer to this day. It’s a journey, but it’s one that Jesus is pushing me through daily.

And as I pondered these thoughts towards the “haves”, I realized that I have positioned my family to be among those “haves” that I have had a distaste for over the years. This hurts me a ton. I don’t want to look at anyone, much less my family, with anything BUT love. And this question, burned into me….it soldered itself upon my heart and mind, that I have NOT been able to shake it. And maybe that is a good thing. The question , basic in nature, is filled with so much more than I can even detail here.

And that question is……

Why can I care so much for a stranger on the sidewalk that needs my help, but can’t offer grace at times in my own home?

I so often will lend a hand outside but I sometimes neglect the needs of my wife and our children. I often , selfishly, look past giving the grace to the ones I am closest with. Now I will brush myself off and go and love my family like never before. When I don’t get my way, I won’t complain. When my wife wants my help, I will jump right to it. (Maybe she just wants to spend time with me). When our girls cry, I will work better at giving compassion away, because their world is just as big as mine.

May the God who delivered so many people throughout history, by His Grace and Mercy, send that Mercy and Grace down upon those of us who struggle in this area and remove the pride, the jealousy, and whatever else holds us back from loving others the way that He loves us.

As a side note, I sometimes feel like the picture above. I feel like God is submitting me into doing what He wants me to do. I wonder if I should just join with Him and form an incredible tag team. Bring it on Road Warriors!

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