I was digging through my old emails and doing some fall cleaning when I came upon an email from an incredible friend of mine. He is a friend who I have walked side by side for nearly 4 years. We have laughed so many times, cried a few, vacationed as families, talked about everything, and worshiped our God, all with the intention of changing the world. Well, what struck me about that email was the genuineness of it and the authentic care for who I am as a man, husband, father, friend, and Christ follower. So often, men are accountable to each other but it is dry, shallow, and never consistent. So, this is how my friend, Daniel, holds me accountable. Below is an excerpt from that email:
- Is your mind pure? Are you only taking it that which is wholesome for your mind? Music? Movies? web sites? Skype? text messages? phone calls? books? Youtube? Facebook? Hulu? relationships? TV? any others I may have missed?
- Have you asked Ashley lately how she would rate your marriage/communication on a scale of 1 to 10? Have you asked her what YOU can do for her to make those better?
- Have you asked Ashley lately how you can build her trust in you back? Love is unconditional, and I believe you guys have that. Trust and respect need to be earned, this could take months/years to gain back. You need to be seeking to earn her trust back each day. Ask her how you can do that. Ask her what practical things you need to do to begin building that back? Don’t be offended by her answers. She has a gentle heart and will need your help restoring trust back into it, so be humble and listen to her heartbeat. You asking and listening to her will go great lengths to gaining that trust back.
- Limit the sarcasm. I’ve sensed the last few times together that the sarcasm could be building up walls. I know that is a main way you communicate, but you need to ask God to help you be transformed in that area. Ashley needs to be built her up with words of affirmation and love, not words of sarcasm. Sarcasm is fine in limited doses, but it should not be your central means of communication. Ask yourself, or her, if sarcasm is your central method of communication? If so, is that healthy? Let your words build her up each and every moment of every day. You love and cherish her, and that’s what she needs to hear 24/7.
- What do you need to deal with in your own life to make you a healthier person? What crap has surfaced lately that needs to be addressed?
Now there you have it. A transparent look into my life through the love of one of my best friends. Ashley and I had a rough go a little while back but because of the combo of Jesus, Love, and Community (in particular, our closest friends), we have seen our marriage go to great heights. And the best part of it all is that we have only seen the tip of the iceberg. Greater heights, here we come. So now, ask yourself three questions:
1) Who is pouring into your life legitimately?
2) Who are you pouring into unconditionally?
3) What areas in your life, right now, need some tuning up?
Well? Answer away…………